Settling into a new school takes time and rarely happens in a straight line. Keep mornings predictable, expect mood swings between school and home, ask specific questions rather than “How was school?”, give friendships time to form, keep evenings low-key, and stay in touch with the teacher. Parents are settling in too, not just children.
The first few weeks of a new school are rarely smooth for children, even when they seem happy to go in each morning. Keeping routines simple, expecting some emotional ups and downs, and staying in touch with the school are the most useful things a parent can do while their child finds their feet.
There is something about the first few weeks of a new school year that can feel much bigger than the first day itself.
The uniform is ready, the school bag is packed and then suddenly it’s the morning and you’re saying goodbye and wondering how your child is going to manage without you.
This year, I am experiencing that feeling from a very different perspective. After teaching in the UK and later at Kellett School in Hong Kong, I have spent years helping children settle into new classrooms and reassuring parents who were worried about how their child was coping.
This year, my own son is starting Reception.
It has made me think about what actually helps children settle. From experience, I know it does not always happen in a neat, predictable way. A child can happily skip into school on Monday and be in tears by Thursday. They can seem completely fine at school and then fall apart the moment they get home.
That is all part of settling.
For Hong Kong families, there can be an added layer to the transition. A new school can mean a longer journey, a school bus, a different curriculum or a completely new group of children.
So, what can we do to make those first few weeks easier?
Keep the morning routine simple
Predictability can make a big difference when everything else feels new.
In our house, I am already thinking about having everything ready by the door the night before. School bag packed, shoes ready and uniform laid out. The fewer decisions we have to make at 7am, the better!
If your child is taking a school bus, practise the routine beforehand and talk through what will happen. If they are walking or taking the MTR, doing the journey together can help it feel familiar.
Small routines can give children a sense of security.
Expect some ups and downs while your child settles
Settling is rarely completely linear.
Your child might love school for the first few days and then suddenly become upset. They may hold everything together at school and release those emotions once they get home.
Try not to immediately assume something is wrong.
Sometimes they simply need some quiet time, a snack, a bath or a cuddle (whatever their age!) before they are ready to talk. Try to remember you don’t need a full report on their day every afternoon.
Ask better questions than “How was school?”
“How was school?” often gets the same answer: “Fine.”
Try something more specific. Who did you play with? What was the funniest thing today? Was anything tricky?
Small conversations can tell you a lot over time, particularly with older children who may be less inclined to share everything.
Sometimes listening is more useful than immediately trying to solve a problem.
Give friendships time to develop
As parents, it is very easy to worry about whether our child has made friends.
Some children find their group straight away. Others take longer and prefer to watch and work out where they fit.
Hong Kong schools can be incredibly diverse, with children joining from different countries and education systems throughout the year. Give your child time to find their place and try not to compare their experience with someone else’s.
Keep after-school life light in the first few weeks
A long school day can be exhausting, particularly for younger children.
In Hong Kong, family life can be busy, with activities often scheduled most evenings. During the first few weeks, it can be worth keeping things relatively simple where possible.
Your child may need an early night and some downtime more than another activity.
There will be plenty of time for everything else once the new routine feels established.
Stay connected with the school
If something is worrying you, speak to the teacher.
A quick conversation can often give you reassurance, or help the teacher understand something your child is experiencing at home.
Home and school see different sides of a child, so keeping that communication open can make a real difference. Many schools, like Kellett, have a home-school diary for those lines of communication, so use it. I often found it an underused key tool.
Remember that you are settling too
I think this is the part we sometimes forget.
Starting a new school is a transition for the whole family. Parents are learning new routines, drop-off points, school systems and, in Hong Kong, often new transport arrangements too.
So if the first few weeks feel a little chaotic, that is probably because they are.
As a teacher, I have always known that children settle at different speeds. As a parent, I suspect I am going to have to remind myself of that quite a few times this year.
For now, I am focusing on keeping home calm, giving my son time, listening when he wants to talk and trusting that confidence grows through familiarity.
They do not need to have everything figured out straight away. They just need to know that they have people around them who will help them find their feet.
FAQs
How long does it take a child to settle into a new school?
There is no fixed timeline. Some children settle within days, others take several weeks, and it is common for a child to seem fine at school but become upset at home while they process the change.
Why is my child fine at school but upset at home?
Many children hold their emotions together during the school day and release them once they feel safe with a parent. This is a normal part of settling in, not a sign that something is wrong.
What questions should I ask instead of “How was school?”
Try specific questions such as who they played with, what made them laugh, or whether anything felt tricky. Specific questions tend to get more useful answers than general ones.
How can I help my child make friends at a new school?
Give it time. Some children find their group quickly, while others prefer to watch and settle in gradually. Avoid comparing their pace to other children’s.
